Successful marriage (relationship) thoughts

Hello,

in connection with the fact that there are periodic questions/conversions about relationships and significant others (especially against women), I will share my experiences (which may not necessarily apply to you).

Context: 41-year-old man, we met in 2005 one.lt (without the second half), we got married in 2009, 2 children (13 and 15), middle class, both in management positions.

What do I think is the basis of a successful relationship? I’m writing impromptu, the order doesn’t matter:

• At least one should have higher emotional intelligence, ideally both will be at least 3/5 plus.
• There shouldn’t be a significant difference in intelligence (one a moron, another a scientist)
• Worldview and values ​​should coincide or at least be tolerant of them
• They should coincide/agree on the most important points of view – financial, family planning, sexual, etc.
• You need to be able to grow each other (both in the field of EQ, and in our case it helps that the areas are similar, and also in the work area)
• We often discuss the problems of friends and acquaintances together, as a result of which the discussion becomes objective, and when this happens to us, it is much easier to reject ego and subjectivity.
• solve family problems and issues together. Not necessarily in an easy way, it is possible with a long discussion, but the involvement must be mutual.
• Adversity unites. Especially families.
• It is not necessary to have common interests (we hardly have any). But they help.
• Every spouse needs time apart. Is it a weekend with friends in nature, sports/fishing/hunting, etc. This is especially true for wives who like to forget themselves and be both mothers and housewives and careerists.
• Children are the business of both. But I believe that men’s desire (or unwillingness) to be with children is innate. There are definitely a bunch of kids who just can hardly be with kids, they are too serious. I’m happy to be someone who really enjoys being with my kids.
• The ability to yield and tolerate at least one spouse is a very good trait
• Love goes through different phases and stages. Passion becomes attachment, cooperation.
• It doesn’t matter that you are angry, but when necessary – support (we had enough stressful periods, where there were accidents, job losses (each of us lost 5 plus jobs, including the period when we lost both jobs at the same workplace)

In general, I once liked the idea that I heard somewhere that Love is not a noun, but a verb (to love), where you don’t get something by default, but you actively do it, nurture it and encourage it. You will have as much as you put in.

Please note that you will not find any of the above in a dating profile.

Share your experiences too. Please share only those who have lived together, under one roof, for at least 10 years (longevity test.

to add: I recommend the movie Fireproof about marriage confirmation https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1129423/