Pomosht!

I was born in Russia, but moved to the Netherlands when I was young. Now, at 35, I feel like a mix of two worlds – rooted in the traditions of my homeland, but shaped by the openness and freedom of the Netherlands. My life is a journey of balancing between these two identities, and in many ways they have made me who I am today.

My brother, who is 19, is at a completely different stage in his life. He is just beginning to explore who he is and what he wants from the world. He moved to Bulgaria a couple of years ago, drawn by Sofia’s vibrant LGBTQ+ community. Growing up wasn’t easy for him, even in the Netherlands, where it’s accepted, but in Sofia he has found a place where he can be himself. I am so proud of him for that.

I visit him in Sofia and this trip feels important to me not only because I miss him, but also because I want to show him how much I support and love him. We have always had a close connection, although it was sometimes difficult. Not long ago, there was a moment when our relationship crossed boundaries that should not have happened. We were both confused and trying to figure out who we were. We don’t talk about it, but it’s always there, just under the surface. We’ve been through it, but the memories haunt us and sometimes make things a little awkward.

This time, I wanted to give him a gift that would really mean something – something personal, something that reflected who he is and who he has become. I thought about checking out a sex shop in Sofia and maybe finding something funny or meaningful for him. And, to be honest, for myself too. It’s a little weird to think about, even awkward, but I know he’ll appreciate the gesture.

So here I am in Sofia, trying to figure out where to go. I want to find the best places to shop, places where I can find something special for my brother and maybe something that will help me explore my own desires a little more. It’s not easy to walk into a store like this, but I hope that by doing this I can show my brother that I’m there for him no matter what, and maybe learn a little about myself along the way.

Translated by DeepL.com (free version)