Most people don’t have to worry about blood-sucking vampires threatening their well-being – let’s hope – but we’ve all faced a foe arguably more terrifying. As you prepare your home for the arrival of ghosts and goblins this week, make it your next goal to escape from the exhausting clutches of energy vampires this Halloween.
ENERGY VAMPIRES VERSUS BLOOD-SUCKERS:
Energy vampires are people who thrive on the attention and energy of others. While they don’t generally have fangs, energy vampires tend to be armed with a soul-sucking negative attitude.
Suzanne Degges-White, a licensed counselor and the chair of the counseling and higher education department at NIU, says energy vampires may appear charismatic at times, but use tactics like guilt-tripping to trap and drain you once they have you close.
“They’re going to make you feel bad about living your own life because they’re just kind of sucking your energy. They prey on your kindness,” Degges-White said. “The kinder you are, the more they’re going to take, and you feel like they don’t give your concerns and issues the same amount of attention and care that you’re willing to invest in them. So it’s a lopsided relationship.”
They’ll take advantage of your kindness, and your exposed listening ear, because their world is purely about them and finding their next meal.
Your emotional world doesn’t matter that much to them because, well, your sympathy sure is tasty.
But just like Dracula, an energy vampire can’t drain you if you don’t invite them to – at least to some extent. Often, energy vampires are close friends with their victims, who invited them to dine years ago and never retracted the welcome.
So take these tell-tale signs to heart and prepare to face the culprits.
HOW TO STAY SAFE THIS HALLOWEEN AND ALL YEAR ROUND:
Not sunshine, not Holy Water, not even garlic-laced pasta will ward away an energy vampire. A wooden stake would probably do the trick, but let’s avoid that.
Degges-White explains that while a circle of salt won’t keep away an energy vampire, it’s necessary to find ways to protect yourself from their metaphorical fangs.
“That’s kind of like your emotional salt is setting clear boundaries that’ll let you stay protected from them in the first place, because once they break through, it’s hard to turn them down,” Degges-White said. “That’s the best self care, being up front and direct with a friend who’s sucking you dry, you know. Like: ‘I love you, but I can’t go there with you. I don’t have the emotional resources to be all that you want me to be.’”
It can be really, really hard to take that step with an energy vampire, but saving yourself from an energy vampire doesn’t make you a bad friend or person.
Don’t start a village trial and classify everyone who annoys you as an energy vampire, but if you’re emotionally exhausted whenever you’re around the same person, consider the possibility that the relationship is causing you harm.
Complaining is human and normal: there are plenty of times when we should be complaining to our friends. Healthy venting can actually strengthen bonds, according to a recent UCLA study.
But dragging down others without empathy for their problems is vampiric. Companionship must be a two-way street.
“Don’t let yourself feel guilty for drawing boundaries. You know, it’s like I said, some of us really care so much about our friends that we don’t want to hurt them, but by feeding them, we’re not helping them, you know, we’re allowing them to continue this behavior that’s not going to work out well for them in the end,” Degges-White said.
No corpse, bloodless or energyless, functions well. As college students plummeting down the second half of the semester, we need all the energy we can get. It’s OK, necessary and right to put yourself first. The energy vampires out there sure won’t.
It’s always important to approach relationships with compassion, and that includes self-compassion. You can give people the benefit of the doubt as long as you don’t give yourself away too.
Have a happy, energetic Halloween, Huskies, and remember: the world isn’t just drink or be drunken, but energy vampires are real, and they might come for you next!