Ever since we started school I’m left out of whatsapp groups, school notifications are only sent to my wife (even though we both signed up), public nurse only write/calls my wife etc.
And now this.
Dads of Ireland, do you have similar issues?
I know that sexism is a real problem in the country, women are “expected” to handle everything that is childcare related, but I feel like this is systemic and fathers like me who want to pick up some duties and share the responsibility are pushed back.
TL: DR
Our claim to receive child benefits was rejected because I’m only the father of my daughter and the mother should complete the application form! 😅
https://i.redd.it/aehqds97xbod1.jpeg
Posted by dzsidzsa
45 Comments
Throw in a complaint
Child benefit is paid to the mother, unless she is dead. That’s how the law works in Ireland.
You would need to take it to the supreme Court or the ECHR.
Didn’t we try to have a vote that made it so legislation was more equal and didn’t default the mother as the primary caregiver? Inequality is shit but it’s what the majority of the country voted for.
Didn’t you know, it’s only mothers that raise children. Fathers can simply magic up the money for food, childcare, medical expenses, school costs, and all the other essentials.
I feel like a lot of your issues could be solved if only you signed up to the apps/whatsapp groups. They’re hardly going to contact both parents and will default to the status quo/who they’ve already been in contact with.
I received it for a while you have to have full custody though
If me (male) and my male partner decide to have a child are we just not entitled to child benefit?
It absolutely is backwards and needs review – historically the child benefit may have been the only money women had access to and it is unfortunately still the case for some.
What about gay couples with children?
I think this is because it’s still generally true that the man would be working and earning more than a woman (women more likely to be giving up work for the kids), the man is also more likely to leave a relationship and the woman having the kids, or an abusive relationship where the man would try to control all the finances, and so on. This actually makes sense.
But also respect for you wanting to do your part, good on you
If the mother of your child does not work and you do. You can claim the SPCC1 form and SPCC2 form Single parent Child tax credit
My ex partner doesn’t work, and it automatically goes to her. But because she doesn’t work, she doesn’t benefit from it.
She signed it over to me, and I claimed for 4 years, and I now claim it every year. It’s only 30 euro more in my pay slip.
Also. I’m in the same both. I went to the school, and I told them I’m (xxxx) father and I would like to be notified as well. The receptionist took my number, and now I get messages about patent meetings and school plays and also school funding for their school tours.
You’re her/his dad. You have every right to be involved regardless of the nature.
There are structural benefits to paying it to women, who are more likely to be victims of financial abuse. You and your partner are still eligible to receive it, it’s just minor paperwork for her to apply instead. This really isn’t worth you getting outraged about, especially given the societal cost/benefit of this policy.
It’s to avoid financial abuse.
It’s the law.
You can receive it if the child’s mother is dead.
Child benefits default to the mother unless the mother is not in the picture. (Deceased, father has custody etc)
Child benefit is only paid to one parent, by default that is the mother. How can you expect payment also. If the child is in your care most of the time then give evidence of that and you will get the payment. If you and your child’s mother are together and you want to receive the payment then your wife will need to give permission for that. Regarding school etc make a complaint to them in writing and demand a response.
Complain, I’m a man and had a load of hassle to get it.
I even sent a copy of court documents explaining the child lived with me. When I called them to complain, the guy in the phone asked “where was the kid now” to which I couldn’t hold back and said “should the fucking creche apply for it instead”
It’s absolutely nuts.
Call them and complain, or put in a discrimination case to the WRC if nothing comes from it.
From [this](https://www.oireachtas.ie/en/debates/question/2020-07-22/172/) oireachtas discussion on the question…
The above data confirms that there is still a considerable cohort of married/cohabiting women who may not have an independent income other than Child Benefit. It is therefore the Department’s view that the policy to pay Child Benefit directly to the mother, or in this case the step-mother as provided for by the legislation, of the qualified child continues to be both valid and appropriate in the vast majority of cases.
Who is listed as the first contact number on the forms? My husband gets lots of those calls because of the order of numbers listed. Call the school and let them know though, i’ll say you’re absolutely a minority because even if the school contacts both parents the majority of times it’ll be the mother showing up to parent teacher meetings or baking cakes for fundraisers
GP will call my kid’s mom, even when I’ve made the appointment, and am at home caring for him, right at that moment. Creche only contacts her too. People live down to expectations – if society is telling dads that they’re less important, they will be less important. I always think about this when I hear people complaining about dads not pulling their weight. They’ve been told since they were a child that their weight as a parent is less – they are simply fulfilling a low expectation. If we want equality, and I think we do, the law should grant equal responsibility and entitlement to fathers.
Edit: And that needs to start with equal paternity/maternity leave. Raising expectations of fathers, and undermining workplace discrimination against women.
Social Welfare Regulations 2007:
159(1) Subject to Rule 2, a qualified child, who is resident with more than one of the following persons, his or her-
mother
step-mother
father
step-father
shall be regarded as normally residing with the person first so mentioned and with no other person.
Sad to say OP but you are shit out of luck on this. It is bullshit, should be whichever parent in a joint household is the one to apply, but that ain’t how it is set up.
Just fyi in case it’s relevant – if the mother submits the claim paperwork but puts the father’s bank details on there it will be paid into the father’s account. At least it is in our case.
Could you please ask them their reasoning and share it with us?
My son lived with me from age 15 onwards. His mother continued to receive all benefits and they wouldn’t sort it. They told me to contact her for it and arrange it privately.
He’s now 20, and to this day, she’s refused to give me a single cent.
It’s stupid, but it was originally set up to help the mother raise the kids the old Catholic way.
I’m genuinely surprised they ask the stepmother to apply over the birth father. That’s just really fucking stupid.
Yep had the same problem, 50/50 custody ex gets half payment because has child half time I get nothing because she doesn’t live with me full time. A few people got shitty with me for taking ex to court for 50/50 because ‘the child should be with the mum’.
Keep at it and they will come around and if they don’t fuck em they’re not important.
I hear you’re a sexist now father
This is so fucked.
I know a father who was abandoned by the wife, he was left to raise three kids. I don’t know how he managed with the child support and never asked
Unfortunately the system is done that way in response to social statistics where men are usually the abusive one in a relationship! This is done to protect the mother and children. Yes I know it’s painting all men with the same brush and is actually unfair but there has to be a line in the sand ! As a father who did most of the school stuff with 3 kids yes I agree there is no excuse for leaving the father out. Casual sexism towards men is out there but it’s nothing compared to what women have to face. I’ve realized that misogynistic men are the problem they make it hard for those of us who want a level playing field. Your ire is real but aim it towards the sexist men the ones who think women are second class and there is enough of them and wrongly they’re in powerful positions , call them out!
Why not just give it to both 50/50 unless there is some reason to give it to one. Nowadays, both parents tend to work, and in cases where one stays at home, it isn’t always the mother.
Ah good old Ireland, still playing catch up
Wow, that’s backwards.
Feminists will be up in arms about this.
If you have full custody or primary carer you are entitled to it.
Sounds like a discrimination case.
I think I’m most shocked that a step mother is ginger up the list than a child’s actual parent
It’s not exactly because you’re a man. It’s because the rules prioritize the parents, so as to give mothers and step-mothers precedence over fathers. You can read the rules here: https://revisedacts.lawreform.ie/eli/2007/si/142/revised/en/html (you’re looking for section 159).
>Rule 1: Subject to Rule 2, a qualified child, who is resident with more than one of the following persons, his or her mother, step-mother, father, step-father, shall be regarded as normally residing with the person first so mentioned and with no other person.
>Rule 2: Where the persons referred to in Rule 1 are resident in separate households, the qualified child shall be regarded as normally residing with the person with whom he or she resides for the majority of the time.
It’s constitutional to apply this kind of preference, because there’s text in Article 41.2 about endeavouring to ensure that mothers are able to stay at home instead of going out to work. We had a proposed amendment to fix that (the “care” amendment), but it was rejected last March.
Yep, the mom gets it to stop the dad drinking it, statistically the best way to to sort out the kids, even in modern Ireland.
Welcome to a patriarchal system, where the system hasn’t kept up with the idea that modern fathers are much more involved in childcare than previous generations. Also bear in mind those who make the laws and run the institutions are mostly of those generations.
Women are assumed to be the primary caregiver. Men are at best babysitters and not very trustworthy ones.
As other comments said, you can get it if there is no mother.
tbh I think it makes sense. If by default only mothers get it and it’s only different in exceptional cases then you easily avoid double payments.
If it was paid just to whoever applied then it would probably be easy for people to get paid twice by both applying and hoping for an oversight by welfare.
It makes sense.
The Irish government doesn’t care about men
They aren’t going to help you or I because we made the mistake of being born the wrong gender
Well well well this is what happens when you vote no to amending the constitution! The family based on marriage is protected not non-marital families. And because there’s nothing in the constitution recognising men as caregivers, they have no personal rights to the care and custody of their child.
Just fill put the form with your partner details and ask her to sign it. Then you can post it. Then no mental for the mum. And if this is a matter of bank account put it on your joint account. And if you don’t have a joint account open one to reduce the mental load of your partner.
In Poland I collect our child benefit (€186/child/month) only because I bothered my arse to apply for it.
But the schools etc only communicate with the mothers. Yes, it’s very sexist but I’m not complaining because I’ve seen the whatsapp groups that would just melt your head.
Be a fucking man and work. You have a kid, that’s your benefit. If you can’t afford one, why did you have one? Man up.